Deep emotional post. :p

So yeah. I need to pour my heart and soul out at the moment. Haven't been too upset in a while.. Okay so whatever comes out , comes out.

And today I thought about you.. and I thought about us. And I thought of this fantasy relationship. I wake up, and I call you. You answer with that half awake sleepy voice, that just makes you so irresistible in the morning. I tell you "Good morning baby" , and you reply "Good morning beautiful". You say "See you at school baby" and then I say "Okay, see you then." See, we don't say I love you yet.. Well, we get to school, in our own separate means of transportation. We meet up before class, right near the music hall way, you know, the place right in front of the large cafeteria.. next to the large display of school sports trophies. Well, we meet there, and we talk before class, just talk. Nothing too special. I tell you how cute you look in your typical button down shirt, and you tell me that I look pretty in my outfit, even if I look atrocious. Then the 5 minute bell will ring, and we'll hold hands walking to class. Sometimes you might walk me to my class, sometimes I'll walk you to yours. You have a big test that day so I walk you to your class, before you go in I give you a kiss you on the cheek, and tell you goodluck. You'll say thank you and I'll head to my class. It's a cooking class so whatever I cook, I'll make sure to save some for you, and I'll surprise you with something new everyday. We walk to our second period class, and we'll argue about who walks who to their class, and it'll end in us just plain out laughing and smiling at each other like fools. We continue this kind of pattern until lunch, and we'll sit next to each other at lunch. We talk about school, how you did on that science test today, and how hard my Math homework was the night before. We'll just talk. Once the bell rings we'll go to our next class, and I'll end up being late because I'm too stubborn to listen to you when you say not to walk you to your room. We may not exactly have the same classes, we'll always find a way to see each other. At the end of the day, we'll meet up and you'll give me a big hug, and of course I give you a big kiss on the lips, because that's what I was dying to do all day. We'll go our separate ways, me going to forensics club, and you to tutorials for that extremely hard AP class you take. And the second I get home I'll text you. I'll help you with your homework, and you'll help me with mine. And we'll just talk. About anything. Everything. Me, you, us, our families, our day.. anything. Because I know I can trust you with anything. And we'll end our day on the phone with eachother, and the last thing we hear before we go to bed, finally, after that whole day.. "I love you." And I'll fall asleep with a smile on my face, and the cycle repeats..

I know it sounds stupid. And gushy. And sooo unrealistic. But if I had the chance, god knows, I would show you what its like to be treated like a King.. I would love you like no other girl ever would. And yes, we probably will break up, but you'll never find a girl who'll treat you like I do. You need space? That's fine, I'm here when you need me. You need someone? My arms are wide open. Need advice? I'm here to listen. Family troubles? I'll come over and we'll cuddle and watch movies together. I'll be your shoulder to cry on. And it just sucks because you don't like me like that. You don't.. you don't like me anywhere near as much as I love you. I tear up, and am currently tearing up, just thinking of it. And it kills me, everyday, to look into those eyes, and see that smile that makes me melt to my lowest gush point. Those lips that make me want to.. just.. kiss them. Forever. And what do I do? I laugh it off, and you'll never see. And god damnit it kills me more than you'd believe..

Haven't blogged in Ages!

"Fall seven times, stand up eight."
~Japanese Proverb

Hello there everyone! It's been quite a while since I blogged. To be honest, since my *ahem* uh crush found my blog I sort of quit blogging for a little bit. But all the drama blew over and well, new things are going on in my life. Happy belated new year! I'm excited for 2013 ^.^ Here are some pros and cons of my 2012 year..

Pros

~Met a lot of new people
~Had a lot of new wonderful experiences
~Lost weight
~Got over my first love
~Laughed a lot
~Made a lot of really good memories with friends
~Learned so much
~Started to get more serious about writing
~My goddaughter Maggie Rose was born (:

Cons

~Lost a lot of friends
~Got in trouble tons of times with my parents
~Cut myself for the first time
~Went into a depression
~Broke the hearts of over half a dozen boys
~Slacked in school
~There was SO much drama!
~Got bullied and harassed more than ever

So, lots happened. That's just off the top of my head. Now here are my resolutions for the new year..

Resolutions

~Lose 20lbs
~Be a better person.. Ex; Random acts of kindness
~Stay single until the right guy comes around
~Learn to play the guitar
~Do really well in school
~Accomplish something I really want.. Ex; Make it on the forensics team
~Change my appearance so I feel more confident in myself
~Stay out of trouble, but still live life to the fullest
~Stay happy as much as possible
~Be the best Aunt I can possibly be
~Improve my writing skills
~Fall seven times, get up eight :)

People think I'm nuts with my resolutions, like losing 20lbs. Its really not that much, and if I lose twenty pounds then my BMI (Body Mass Index) will be perfectly healthy. And for changing my appearance. Like I'm getting colored contacts in two months, and I'm getting my braces off in the summer, and I'm thinning my eyebrows, and I'm losing weight. But my appearance change isn't for anybody else. It's for myself. I want to look in the mirror and be able to honestly say, "Wow.. I'm beautiful."

On a side note, for the working on my writing part, I'm working on two stories right now. One I'm stumped, and the other one should be done by the end of the week, so I'm ecstatic for that!

Another thing I'm extremely ecstatic for is learning the guitar. I got a brand new Rogue sunburst guitar for Christmas from my uncle :D

I named her Lola. I was going back and forth between Rosalia and Lola, and Lola is short and sweet so I decided upon that. Ah I already learned Boulevard of Broken Dreams so I'm really happy. The new year started off great, I was with my best friend Brianna, my friend Nikki, and one of my close guy friends Ethan when the ball dropped. We all had a great time, and it was very funny when I spilled the sparkling cider all over myself. Aha well that's enough blogging for tonight. I should be doing Science homework haha. Goodnight all! :)

No longer safe haven..

Well Im keeping this short and simple. A certain someone I write about in my blogs very recently found my blog and read it and uh.. well it's not exactly safe to post anymore diary like entries. Besides, I'm such an idiot, this is the internet. ANYBODY can read my posts.. even the person I like.

So, uh this is probably going to more of a creative writing/skimming the very edge of my feeling kind of blog.

Pissed. About to explode.

I'm tired. I'm so tired. And I don't mean sleepy, I mean like sick of it. You know how many times people come up to me daily because me and him look "cute". Awh Sam, you and ____ are so cute, are you guys dating? Oh you guys should date eachother! You look so cute, you would make such a great couple, he would be so lucky to have you.. blah blah blah. Like I appreciate it. A lot. What makes me want to explode? Is he does not fucking see it. Like I'm sitting here writing freaking love songs, planning out future events like his birthday and christmas, and you know what he's probably doing? Nothing to do with me that's for sure. And what gets me boggled the most is he says he likes me. Okay, I don't know about you, but when you like someone, you don't ignore them. You don't tell them you like them , and then make excuses on why not to ask them out. When you like someone, aren't you supposed to show it in some way? Compliments? Hanging out? Like Im not asking for a fucking Romeo. I just want to like hangout or something. Is that so hard? Like he get's me so hyped. I should be doing homework right now, but instead I'm ranting on and on because these thoughts have been going through my head for a month now. I feel like he takes advantage of me so much. He knows whatever he does he can pull off because I'll "understand". Like he could come to me and say he killed a guy, and he could get away with it because he knows I'll "understand". Well you know what? I'm tired of understanding. I'm tired of staying quiet. I'm tired of being the nice girl that lets him walk all over me. I'm done making jokes with the slightest bit seriousness in them hoping he gets the hint I want something more than this. I'm done trying so hard. You like me? You fucking talk to ME. I'm not the one starting this conversation all the time. I'm done going up to you in school first. I'm done messaging you first. I'm done trying to look so good so you'll bother coming up to me in the first place. I'm done. I'm absolutely done. Tomorrow I'm seriously going to ignore him all day. Even if he comes up to me. He'll just be air to me. Obviously thats all I am to him. Like, damn, I can't try any harder with this kid. It's eating me apart, and getting out of whack with my studies. I hate complications in life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a total bitch. I actually DO understand his reasoning and problems, but I have an opinion and I feel like it's strong enough to surmount the difficulties he says would happen in a relationship.

My problem? If you like me, act like it. If you don't, don't lead me on and say you do, because there are so many guys out there who would love to be with me.. and lots of them are great too. I don't want to stay hung over you just because things "might" change. You're leaving for the summer, so that crosses out summer for dating, and school is an issue so that crosses out school time for dating. So in other words you're telling me, never gonna happen but instead of saying it, you say "I like you but.. *insert list of excuses here*" If you like someone you make it work. End of story.

Ugh,.

I feel better, but still enraged. Doing homework then bed. 'Night.

It's acceptable to be larger than a size 0

Here's my extremely thorough opinion on what people call chubby, and overweight, and how society portrays it.

Hi, I'm Sam. And I have a serious opinion on the topic of weight.. I'm going to start off by showing this picture;



Two things.
1. This picture does not make sense to me because the girl in the picture is already skinny as a twig, therefore making this "wish" already true.
2. Why does everyone strive to be so skinny?

I mean, yes I understand... I'm not particularly happy with my body type. But do you want to know why? It's because society has told us, "You need to be skinny to be pretty". Don't believe me? Go to Google and type in "Teenage Model Body Shots" and click images. Every single model is skinny to the point of ribs showing, or just plain out a twig. I think that's wrong. It is perfectly fine to be a size above 0. Society is bitchy, and if you let that bitch tell you what to do, how to dress, and how to feel, you'll never get anywhere in life. I'm 124 lbs as of yesterday. I wear medium sized shirts, and I range from a size 1-5.. and you know what? I am average. Not skinny, not fat.. I'm starting to become okay with it. I don't like the term fat anyways. It's a stupid term.



This picture displays my opinion right on the spot. Just because you're 180lbs or 85lbs, doesn't mean you're not beautiful. Your body weight doesn't determine the beauty of you, your personality does. I know that sounds really cheesy, but when it comes to a guy, if they have an amazing personality but they're chubby, odds are I won't give a crap. If a guy has a smoking body, but has the personality of a douche... I'm definitely not going to like him. Weight does not matter. I am going to say it until people realize. It doesn't matter. And if a guy/girl cares about your weight over who you are, then they are not even worth giving them the time of day.. The only time you should ever be worried about weight is when its affecting your health negatively. If you're obese and in risk of diabetes or something, then yes, losing weight would be a good idea. But these girls who starve themselves, binge eat, have bulimia, and anorexia.. Darling, it's not healthy. Just because you want to look like



Doesn't mean you need to stoop to levels of self infliction, and by self infliction I mean eating disorders. It's perfectly fine to have a cheese burger every now and then. It's fine to be over a size 0. It's okay to weigh more than 100lbs. It's fine if you don't fit into an XS or S shirt at a clothing store. It's okay to drink whole milk instead of Low fat.. Most importantly though, what's not okay? It's NOT okay to change yourself for anybody. Be yourself, and love yourself because were all human beings. We all bleed the same blood, and we all breathe the same air. We all have feelings, and thoughts, and ideas, and we all have brains, and if we put our brains together, maybe one day we'll see that.. Maybe one day we'll finally realize that all these things society tells us is right, is actually wrong.

 

Stop Being Cute. Oh my god.

Okay so I'm trying to get over you right? Well you being cute as hell doesn't help. And your funny jokes don't help. And your intelligence doesn't help. And you.. you don't help. Sometimes I wish you were a complete douchebag so I can get over you easier. Why cant you be like.. a jerk? But you're like such a nice guy. Which doesn't help either. So just.. UGH. This is a short blog but whatever. Nobody is gonna read it anyway.

Stop being cute OKAY? -__-

Pointless Blogging, Love it ;D

"Some guys just don't realize how much one little thing can hurt a girl." ~HpLyrikz.Tumblr.com

Well hello people reading this. Haven't blogged in a few days. Here's some updates. One, I completely crashed on a scooter down a steep hill at my cousins. I got this baby from it ......

Eep. It got worse and bruised and stuff. Even got some marks on my elbow, knee, and hand but they're not as bad.

Another update; I procrastinated homework , wait no. Scratch that. I am currently procrastinating homework at 11:40pm because I'm talking to friends online and I don't feel like reading for an hour and a half a play about Thoreau and how he went to jail for a night.

Another update; Im extremely happy. Personal reasons I won't post, but let's just say a special someone put a smile on my face tonight.

Another update; Damn these updates are so pointless, I don't know why anyone would read up until this point.. but anyway.. I has a headache, but I don't care because of the update above this one ^^^ :D

Last update; I need to go to the bathroom. So bye guys:)